Episode 31 - Anacondas in the Ovary Office (feat. Smash Mouth)

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It’s the penultimate episode on Sonic High School your bookends will ever do. This week we’ll be reading Chapters 23 and 24, it’s been 7 episodes on this abortion of a fanfic, and my god does it feel like many, many more.

Shadow the hedgehog finds out the cause of his funeral faux pas was due to missing a Ultra Chaos Emerald. In order to get back the missing emerald he seduces cream the rabbit, and then knocks her unconscious with a piggy bank on the end of his penis. Just as he finds the emerald, Tails bursts in proclaiming he’s worked out what’s going on. We then flash back in the next chapter to the rest of the main cast at Sonic’s wake, commiserating, making teeth, being babies, just wake things. Then Tails sings a sad song about high school, before having the revelation that sent him to Cream’s house in the prior chapter.

Meanwhile, your bookends drag out this already bloated series by getting possibly the most off topic they’ve ever managed. Discussing snake care, water consumption, Tenacious D, the mystic tale of Andorra’s Box and the taste of elbow lubricant. In particular, we spend a long time on planning our perfect Anaconda and Hotdog funeral.

We also sing Tail’s song to the tune of Smash Mouth’s hit “All Star”. You have been warned.

You can read Sonic High School (if so inclined) at the following link:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8085414/1/SONIC-HIGH-SCHOOL

Episode 30 - Impromptu Funeral Dressage

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Spelunking in the caves beneath the mountains of madness yet again, your Bookend Boys Peter and Louis read chapters 20-22 of the twisted fever dream that is Sonic High school, with the end looming tantalisingly close.

After being confronted with the apparent cheating of his true GirlFriend (sic) Amy, Sonic abandons her to stay in her Auschwitz like detention, dyes his fur black and goes on a spree of violence, drugs, public masturbation and truancy. With his mind having been taken over by drugs, he breaks into Amy’s house, beats her up, punching out all her teeth, until she kicks him in the balls, at which point, confronted with the awful things he’d done and confused in his soul, he drove off a cliff to his death. Next we see Sonics funreal (sic), where everyone is sad, until Shadow turns up ruins things by trying and failing to resurrect him with the Ultra Chaos emeralds, leaving us with the sad climax of Sonic remaining dead in a coffin while shadow shakes his cadaver about.

Meanwhile Peter and Louis try to distract themselves from these horrific happenings with talk about Christmas Classic: The Snowman, car insurance adverts, the misadventures of Seagulls, DVD rule 34 and had an open discussion about the varied genitals of the Animal Kingdom.

Two more weeks of Sonic High School and freedom will be ours.

You can read Sonic High School (if so inclined) at the following link:
https://www.fanfiction.net/s/8085414/1/SONIC-HIGH-SCHOOL